This year, Mother’s Day came at a time when we were all supposed to be following the social protocols for the pandemic. Which means that we didn’t visit Michelle’s Mom, and Martin & Raven didn’t come over. It sucks, but it is what it is. I would rather miss them than accidentally infect them or they infect us. I would rather us all be alive for all the years after this pandemic.
So, we spent a peaceful but productive weekend at home as usual. Rose and I gave Michelle her Mother’s Day gifts. I had gotten her a tumbler that has a Unicorn and “Magical AF” on it. Rose got her a pendant that has “I love you” in the gem in a 100 different languages. Michelle and Rose surprised me with gifts as well. Michelle got me two pendant necklaces that house small ceramic balls onto which you can put essential oils, and a vial of lavender oil. Rose got me a bracelet that has a quote (movie) from Albus Dumbledore “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Being transgender can present some confusion on how to handle many things, like Mother’s Day. There are many trans women who consider themselves fathers and not mothers. That is a valid feeling for them and more power to them. I am perfectly happy to not be considered a father, as I’m not. You don’t have to give birth to children to be a mother, if that were the case then the millions of cis adoptive mothers would be disappointed to learn that they are somehow not a mother. I am the mother of our children, Michelle is the mother of our children, we share our lives and share the responsibilities of raising our children and celebrating their lives. My being their mother doesn’t diminish Michelle’s position as their mother. We are like any lesbian parents in this way, with the exception that neither of us are soley attracted to women and therefore aren’t lesbians. Ultimately it’s up to you on what you would like to be called, I would suggest that you make it plain to your children so that they know.
While I had a good weekend, it was not without sadness. Is there room for good sadness? I think so, I think missing those who are gone is a good sadness. They meant something, they became a fixed point in your life. My grandmothers, my mother, I am sad that they are gone, they are so missed and so loved. But I hold them with me, at each birthday, each holiday and each Mother’s Day, I renew our bond between us with my memories. I am grateful for the time that I had with them, sad that I cannot speak with them. I am grateful for the women currently in my life, who are like those who came before, inspirational.
I am aware that Mother’s Day for trans people can be a source of sadness for different reasons. Some mothers don’t accept their children as who they are but only as they believe them to be. It’s not easy, it’s heart rending. I can’t say that my mother would have understood, I like to think she would have accepted me, but I never gave her that chance. I say that I didn’t want to burden her because she was going through level four lung cancer, but more than that I was afraid. Afraid of being rejected. I should have given her that chance, trusted her enough to share who I truly am with her. I failed her. So, I want those in the LGBTQ community to know that if you ever need a mother’s concern, a mother’s love or (once this pandemic is over) a mother’s arms, I am here for you. I’m on facebook and I have a contact page on this blog, so pretty easy to get my attention. You deserve love, you deserve acceptance. Mother’s Day isn’t about gifts or flowers, it’s about love.