Sorry for the Inconvenience

Photo by Michael Prewett on Unsplash

I was writing a new blog post about my childhood and my awkwardness and inadequate ways to define who I was. I realized, I have done that already in a previous post, besides what transgender person hasn’t felt this way? I don’t want to keep repeating things, if that is the way of it then I may as well stop blogging for I have nothing left to say. So, I decided to scrap the two pages I had typed for something less maudlin and years past.

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash

Coming out as transgender isn’t an end game, it’s the start of things. First your life changes in a myriad of ways you can’t even understand, I am still seeing the effects. If you have a spouse, supportive or not, then double those changes and add emotions like you wouldn’t believe. I never worried about my wife leaving me until I came out, I never thought about how she referred to me at her work or worried about our going out on date night. It’s not that all the changes are bad, they are just things you must adjust to. In a perfect world we come out, the societal change is noted, and everyone moves on. It’s not a perfect world so you may get a few or more “Sorry for the Inconvenience” signs along the way. Going to the store on a weekend morning used to be about throwing on clothes and a ball cap, now I must get ready and put effort into going outside, especially if I have done my nails. Going out with my wife to the movies and then to a bookstore was something we loved to do. Now I have to think about two women and holding hands or kissing, and of course transgender book shopping. I enjoy passing when I can, it removes problems when in the public eye. I certainly don’t always pass, it depends on the people walking by, so it’s hit or miss.

Transition, if you choose to do this, is more about the change in others perception of you than of actual change yourself. If you get GRS, no one is going to meet you and determine that you now have a vagina and therefore must be a woman. The GRS is for you, it’s not for the people around you, unless you are really over-sharing. Teaching and reminding people of who you are is key. They are still seeing you through the eyes of memory, especially if it is family or friends. They will miss the “old you”, which means just what they are used to. People inherently don’t like change and you are handing them a wowser of a change. It’s perfectly alright to be patient with them if they are making an effort. My best friend fully supports me, he still makes mistakes the very few slips of pronouns. Yes, it jabs at my heart, but I know that it is not malicious at all. Life isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect. I forget things all the time, I slip when calling my children by their names, it happens. I move on and don’t worry over it. Give yourself a break and give those you love some time to process. It doesn’t mean let them keep misgendering you or using your deadname, it means give them consideration if they slip.

img_e0608If you decide to use HRT, please only do this with a doctor’s approval and prescriptions. Trying to do it yourself can result in the least it does nothing at all, at worse it can cause damage to your organs and kill you. HRT is a way to relieve dysphoria and it does come with some physical changes, it won’t “make you a girl”, if you are a trans woman you are already a woman. Over-medicating doesn’t grow breasts faster, in fact too much estrogen can limit the already limited amount your breasts may grow. But drugs like Spironolactone to reduce testosterone can cause damage to organs even if they are properly prescribed. Any medication is nothing to guess with. My doctor requires blood tests to check my levels, she wants to make sure that not only that I have the proper levels as a woman but that my levels are safe and that I am not being hurt. Please don’t buy black market medicine or those fake herbal supplements, you are worth being healthy. It’s also worth noting that you don’t have to transition to be valid, your soul is not physical, who you are is within. If you choose to change your outside to more closely match who you are, just do it as safely as possible.

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