I had an interesting few days this week. On Monday, I felt like I was having a heart attack about 2 hours after coming to work. I had grown faint and felt shortness of breath, so I got one of my company’s first responders to sit with me in case help was needed. He called the EMS to come, and they showed up within 3 minutes. At the end of all this, they didn’t feel I needed an ER visit though they wouldn’t rule it out. I had elevated blood pressure already and then had an anxiety attack, so both of those things made the illusion for me of a heart attack. During this, I had to give them my medications, which is tricky because I don’t want my coworkers standing in the hall to know what I am taking, even if I wasn’t transitioning. Luckily, one of my friends at work, who I came out to before brought a post-it note to write it down on so I could hand to the EMS people. They didn’t even blink when I gave them the meds, just wrote it down and moved on. I am stressed about keeping my job when I transition and I am stressed about the changes occurring with my job and the 6 people I seem to answer to. They sent me home where I felt odd all day but at least I didn’t pass out. I am hyper-aware of my body this last month because of starting HRT. I am looking for any issues or changes good or bad. Two days later, I am feeling fine and don’t think the HRT had anything to do with my Monday episode.
On Tuesday I was back at work, feeling a bit tired but not bad. I went on my FB page to give a brief post about what had happened on Monday. Then I went into a two-hour planning meeting, leaving my phone on my desk. When I came back to my desk, I noticed I had 57 comments on my FB app. I don’t even think I have that many people friended on FB. So, I checked the app and I found out that I had just outed myself to an entire city by accidentally posting it in the Asheville Politics page. Now, Asheville, as a city, is pretty liberal and accepting of LGBTQ people, but there is a strong conservative/right wing streak in and especially around the city that honestly scares me. In a crowd of 100, it only takes the 1 person who decides you don’t belong there for you to have a really bad day. So, even though I noticed that the first post was positive and glad that the EMS hadn’t used who I was as a reason to not treat, etc. I deleted the post as fast as I could and removed myself from the page. I don’t really live in Asheville, I live well outside of it now and really have no need for being on the politics page for that city. Also, I was entirely embarrassed that I had written a personal post, with some specifics about my meds, onto a very public page. I know there were some heinous comments, there always are, but I am focused on the one good one I actually read, she made my day. I re-posted the FB post intended for my private page and moved on with my day. I’m still embarrassed that I made the mistake, but I’m ok that I’m out to the city of Asheville.