The Familial Revelation

When it comes to family, I think we can all agree that it is never easy and in a word, complicated. I have spent the last few months letting family know about me. Almost all of those I have told have reacted positively, no one has disowned me or anything. The closest I have come to a negative reaction is my youngest brother, who wasn’t negative at all, he was just the closest. I have a few others to tell, cousins who are a bit distant, but whom I still feel deserve to hear it from me, and our middle brother. I have been waiting to tell my middle brother, S, I’m afraid. He has always been the distant brother, one who I can never seem to make happy or get close to. I am probably doing him a great disservice, but I know the type of guys he is friends with so I am hesitant. 



I did tell another cousin, Kim. She and I were inseparable when we were younger. We spent the weekend at our grandmothers almost every weekend. We were extremely close, we both wanted to be songwriters and playwrights. I would look for ways to get to spend the weekend at the same time Kim did. We would write plays and musicals to put on during cookouts or when we could round up an audience. She was who I wanted to be, pretty, sweet and a girl. I was also in love with her, that kind of children’s love that doesn’t understand cousins can’t be married. I had sent a FB message to her and hadn’t heard anything back for almost a month. I thought that perhaps she either didn’t have FB messenger or that she wasn’t happy with the information. It made me more than a little anxious as she was such a huge part of my life as a child. I wanted her, I don’t know, approval? Acceptance.


Well, yesterday, she sent me a FB message… “Love U Cuz!! Call me sometime. You’d be surprised at what we have in common. (her number) Beautiful pic!! (I had sent a selfie of me, it helps when they have a visual to get to grips with things) You are gorgeous!!”

So, needless to say, I was ecstatic! I was so happy that she was happy for me! I was also intrigued by her message. What did she mean by “what we have in common”? 


I called Kim almost immediately, this is not something I would let my mind mull over. And it turns out that she, despite being straight and never questioning that, she is in a deep relationship with a trans woman! I was stunned, happily stunned! That she has this mirror image relationship that I have with my wife, it was like the universe saying we haven’t stopped being close! So now we are making plans to meet up in Memphis, to eat and visit!


I still have one other cousin, 2nd cousin I believe, I should have kept up with mom’s family tree efforts. Terry was always kind of a distant cousin, but I always thought he was cool. He was the only member of our family, when I was a child, that was gay. He didn’t hide it, just didn’t discuss it, at least around me. He worked in Hollywood as a set designer and then a florist. My grandparents who were very conservative never gave him grief that I know of, he always managed to visit, even got my grandparents to Ted Turner and Jane Fonda’s home to spend Christmas. It was never discussed, his being gay, everyone knew but it wasn’t discussed. We haven’t talked in a while, but he helped me when I moved to LA at a young foolish age. So, I will send him a FB message as well, see how that turns out.


I know it seems like I am searching for acceptance, but really,I think I am probably supplementing my NOT coming out at work with coming out to everyone else. There is a point where I will need to just stop this, to confront my employers and then look for another job. It’s not going to work out here, where I work now. They will never accept anyone different from them, which is sad.

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