Desire for a certain thing to happen while becoming boyant

Lots of things are happening this week/weekend. My Mother and Stepdad are both in town visiting us. They are bringing Martin a car, his first! It was a family car that has been passed around for about 15 years, but it’s in excellent condition and once he is ready to move on to another car, we give it back to the family for the next teenager. It’s a thing we do with furniture as well. Lots of antiques are passed around the family for any to use. We are odd, I know. My mom just went through a chemo treatment before coming here, so she is weak and I wish she had waited to come so that she isn’t feeling horrible. The traveling alone is enough to sap her strength. But her will is strong and she doesn’t like to be told what to do. I cried when she and my step- (tell you what, just going to say “dad” from now on, it’s just odd saying stepdad) when she and my dad left to go back to their hotel room. She is so weak and frail now. She is such a strong person, but her body is just not having it. She is the center of our family, and she didn’t ask for it, she earned every bit of it. She is giving and kind, strict and bull-headed, she is a leader and not a follower. She would have made a great general, and she is the general of this family. So, it’s hard to see that person deteriorate. Anyway, I’m crying again and it makes it hard to type.

Also, I finally get cable internet access on Monday! Being IT and having to deal with DSL is like, killing my id. So finally I can download porn at a reasonable rate, not that I download porn, you can just browse it. We are all happy, as we all like to watch TV and movies through streaming, and with DSL this is a very extended endeavor.

Our older son, Alex, who as you know has been living with us and not doing anything is finally going to move out to his other grandmothers who lives in south carolina. She thinks we are being to hard on the 22 year old, that he is trying to find a job and not getting so much as a call back because of bad luck or the color orange, or some other nonsense other than he is lazy and needs to have to face real hunger or being uncomfortably homeless. So, she is welcome to him. She will learn and he will continue being disappointing to us. Which is sad and I will start crying again. He doesn’t know about me because he isn’t mature enough, not his own person enough to handle this without it becoming another reason for him to not engage in life.

Once Alex is out, I plan on telling our daughter about me. I am hopeful that she will take it as a good thing and not a bad. I don’t know with her, she has a liberal streak in her that comes from being a cis girl who is beautiful and popular and only having to deal with her friends who are jealous of each other being her friend. Such a hard life she leads. I hope she understands, I hope she still loves me. I don’t want to stop being the person she reaches for when she needs a hug or comfort. It’s going to be scary for me, and I was in combat. Life doesn’t play favorites or fair, I have the body I have and I had no control over it. I hope she sees that. She has already had a tough time dealing with Martin coming out, twice.


2 thoughts on “Desire for a certain thing to happen while becoming boyant

  1. Sorry to hear about your son. My 20 year old daughter has finally sorted her life out but up until last year it was pretty much the same as your son and she was living part with us and part at her grandparents. Compounded by the fact she took off for a few months to work in Zante for the summer. However when she came back she met a lovely chap the first night, found out about Lucy (and was very accepting) and got a break as a temp in an office who loved her and took her on permanently and are already taking about promotion for her. Her life is now sorted and she is a changed person. My oldest son lost his way too and didn't settle down in a job until he was 21/22 and he is now 30, in a fantastic job and getting married next week to his girlfriend of 9 years. Don't give up hope.
    As for your daughter, all I can say is that my daughter was 19 when she found out about Lucy and has been absolutely brilliant and supportive.


  2. Thanks, I hope he proves us wrong. That would be really nice if we could be proven wrong. I'm not expecting him to settle down and have a career. I just expect him to have a job and get his own life experience. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.


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