Reading my previous post, I admit I was tempted to delete it. I feel like I was being a bit selfish, whether or not it’s true, I’m not sure. I’ve always felt that any time or money I’ve spent on myself is a selfish act. So, it’s hard to tell. Are there any transgendered that are not damaged goods in some way? I like to think that there are those who are sound and happy in their life, despite the incorrect genitalia.
Happiness is measured in moments. It’s something that has always haunted me since I heard it many years ago. I was abused by my father, he was an angry man. He grew out of it, became a good grandfather, but my childhood was not the best. You could pin my female psyche on this one aspect of my life if you wish. It is a chicken/egg scenario: am I a product of abuse, or was I abused because he saw the girl in me? Certainly I was not a manly boy, I gravitated towards things girls did, and I carried myself as a girl. I liked being clean, didn’t like bugs, wanted the wonder woman underoos, rather than Spider-Man. My daydreams about girls was being them. So, he had ample, confused, anger ammo with which to use against me.
This genetic curse has ruled my life, it doesn’t rule my dreams or my soul. I’m a woman, this flesh is what I have to wear, it doesn’t tell me who I am. (My mantra against dark thoughts)