Let’s talk about, you know

So, this is an embarrassing subject for me. I was an early masturbator, like 6 years old early. So I like sex, I like the thought of sex. I’m not a huge fan of the act, but I like the finish. Thing is, I’ve never cared for my penis. I mean sure I treat it ok, keep it clean, use it when I must, but we have at best been neutral to one another. I like using it on my wife, but that is only because I don’t have a vagina to receive pleasure with. I like receiving anal sex, because I again, don’t have a vagina, and it can be very pleasurable. I’ve never had anal with another person present, it’s  always been a solo venture, mostly because I don’t know how to broach the subject with my wife. I don’t want to be crass, and I am already a self-confessed sex-shy person. I think saying “hey hon, you know that thing I do to you, can you wear this and do it to me?” May not be the most tactful way to go about it. She likes gay porn, it’s something I am finding a lot of women like, so I’m not sure if this might be a thing for her. I have a hard time letting myself be in a place of vulnerability. (I don’t know if you caught that in my last 30 or so posts) it’s one thing solo, where I am in my head, fantasizing. But I have had fantasies of her wearing a strap on and those are some great fantasies. I’m wondering if it would completely weird her out.  Any thoughts on this? Am I wanting too much? Would I be asking too much of my wife to ask her to make love to me as a woman? 

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