When i was a little girl

As a child, I remember telling my mom that I wanted to be a girl. I think she took it as a toddler wanting to be someone else, I never brought it up again. When I was in my teens, I never thought seriously about transitioning. I lived in a small town, I didn’t even know there were other people like me. It took me years to finally see someone who had transitioned in a magazine, and the results were so bad that I couldn’t even fathom doing it. So growing up, I was always daydreaming about suddenly becoming a girl, kind of like an Ellen Barkin in “Switch” scenario. Sure it was badly written, and the subject matter was all over the place, but it was about the sudden transformation I was interested in. My daydreams tended to run in the vein of these type of movies, I was minding my own business, then Pow! I wake up a girl. I am in boy clothes, so I have to find something that fits to wear. Of course, instead of the whole movie concept of coming to terms with being a girl, I was overjoyed and ready to go. There aren’t any movies I know of, that are willing gender switched, that would have been awesome. I never really got over the wish that I would just wake up one day and be me.  I thought that the only way I could be a girl, truly be, is to wish it, for magic to happen. There had been many a night where I lay awake crying, making the same wish over and over. That if I just wished hard enough, long enough, I wouldn’t be a stranger staring back at me when I woke up. 

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