[Warning - Suicidal Ideation] I don’t often give in to despair, it’s usually ennui, aftermaths of gender dysphoric episodes or depression but it rarely delves deeper than that. And since coming out, they have all been greatly diminished, but not banished. However, last month I was at a fairly low point. I had been feeling …
Anniversary of Wood
This is the story of Michelle and I, how we met and the long, winding journey to finding a relationship. This story is all decidedly one-sided, by the way. I’m only telling the tale from my perspective. Michelle, Dawn and Pat, they would all have vastly different tales to tell. None of them, showing me …
Fifty
On Friday, I turned 50. I know, I know, “whaa??? But you look so young!” I get that all the time. The aging I can handle, it is what it is. But there have been a lot of pressures this year, from a pandemic, bills, my work and my feeling of being inconsequential to my …
Personal Updates
I tried CBD oil for the first time, Wednesday night. I have been doing much better with panic and have had few attacks in the last several months. Part of it is my learning to deal with actual emotions, learning to acknowledge them without letting them overwhelm me. The other issue was I reduced my …
Ghosts of the Past
The hardest part of coming out for me, once it was done, turns out to be accepting what has already come before. We can change our futures, but the past is set in stone and it becomes a matter of learning to accept this. They can be our ghosts or guides, the choice is up …
A Mother’s Day Weekend
This year, Mother’s Day came at a time when we were all supposed to be following the social protocols for the pandemic. Which means that we didn’t visit Michelle’s Mom, and Martin & Raven didn’t come over. It sucks, but it is what it is. I would rather miss them than accidentally infect them or …
That’s Not My Name
I’ve been working on my name change over the past year. Getting your name changed legally is only the first hurdle, there are so many other things to do and hoops to jump through. You need the legal document to make all the actual changes. Social Security, Drivers License those are the two big, immediate …
TransAccess
TransAccess Logo credit: https://www.etsu.edu/com/familymed/iheart/projects/transaccess.php I had my interview (over Zoom) with TransAccess (a project being conducted by researchers across multiple departments at East Tennessee State University (ETSU) including Family Medicine, Psychology, and Social Work) on Tuesday afternoon after work. It had been a pretty rough day at work, but Dr. Mann (Abbey) was very kind …
All The Good Things
It’s easy enough to talk about the pandemic, about having to self-isolate or for those of us termed as “essential”, navigating our way through other people who are pridefully not following the social distancing rules. I think we’ve heard enough, read enough about these daily occurrences and since we are all living it, I’d rather …
The Pandemic Anxiety
“It is easy to dwell upon the dark, as it imbibes our fear and expounds with crystal clarity every false notion the mind can conjure.” - Me, just now. I have talked before about how I have anxiety now, after starting HRT. The benefits of HRT far outweigh my inability to process my emotions, so …
